Bring On The Bad Guys: Terminator, Star Wars, & Universal Monsters

Egads! Another molotov cocktail that's served as a kids drink. Say it isn't so! Say we don't have to suffer the bad guys again! Yes, sad for all of those within hearing range... you will submit!  Your lethal injection of mean is back with this month’s rendition of “Bring on the Bad Guys,” and once again we show that we don’t discriminate because of race, sex, color, or creed. If you’re rotten, you qualify. And there are many ways to qualify. It might be that you enjoy kicking cats. It might be that you eat people. Or...maybe it’s because you’re one of Satan’s soldiers. In any event, we flip through the PREVIEWS catalog each month to see who needs to be called out as a deviant, and then we explain why these people … or things … or whatever they are … shouldn’t be helped if you see them bleeding in the middle of the street.

Let us begin.

The weather is getting warmer, and that means party time is right around the corner.

Deck parties.

Bonfire parties.

Basement parties.

The latter, we prefer. Basement parties. Why? Because you can trap people in your basement. And imagine the surprise on their face when they find out what was supposed to be a fun night full of food and fruity drinks turns to a terrifying tirade from a host gone mad! Imagine the looks on the faces of their guests when you gleam at them with a maniacal grin, and proclaim your allegiance to Skynet. You can wear the Terminator Kill All Humans PREVIEWS Exclusive T-Shirt (MAY162143), point to the grinning skull face of the Terminator on your chest, and exclaim that humanity is nothing but a virus with shoes, and you're the doctor with the right toxic antibiotic.

Wait.

Antibiotics don't work on viruses.

Plan B.

Run upstairs.

Change shirts.

In this case, slip into the Star Wars E7 I Am Kylo Ren Costume Hoodie (JAN168861).

Return to the basement to show them that we were experiencing technical difficulties, but now the game plan is a "go." Who wouldn't want to emulate the up-and-coming bad guy in the new Star Wars universe? To be without pity or remorse? Not to mention, this costume hoodie is pretty awesome, as it comes with a tattered cape and a face mask with black mesh eyes. You're not only dressed for darkness, you look like it. Of course, someone is bound to call you out as an imposter. There's always one in the crowd. Best to deal with him or her quickly. Dont' waste time: present to the doubter the Star Wars E7 Kylo Ren Bebot Wind-Up Tin Toy (MAY162628), hold it above your head, and do your best manical laugh. Then scream "I'm a Tin Toy! Not an imposter!"

Doubtful anyone will speak after such an outburst.

They'll go back to looking at the floor, hoping their captivity will end sooner than later.

But at some point (after all, it WAS supposed to be a party), someone else is bound to croak that they're hungry, and that they're needlessly starving to death.

That's your cue to run upstairs, and grab either the Universal Monsters Frankenstein Gelatin Mold (MAY162382) or Universal Monsters Creature Gelatin Mold (MAY162383). Fill both with liquid sustenance, grab a seat at your table, chill yourself and the gelatin molds for a number of hours, then return downstairs with your party food to shut up those ungreatufl hostages  that had the nerve to ask you for some free grub.

If any of your unwilling guests are still conscious (after all they've only had gelatin to consume all day), certain individuals will finally ask if you're mad.

Are you just a few fries short of a Happy Meal?

To which you will answer that they must now join you in bowing to the dark god of Star Wars lore.

The man responsible for Kylo Ren's dementia.

First, leave the room.

Then, return with your next and final prop.

Announce that all with the ability to still move a muscle must now bow before the Star Wars Darth Vader ARTFX+ Statue EP IV Version (MAY162719). It is Vader to which you must all give your allegiance; Vader, who will serve as your moral compass. Yes, Vader who will....and then someone at the back of the room who is losing feeling in their legs is sure to say, "Wait, were'nt you just, like, that Terminator guy a little while ago?"

That person has now become your first draft pick for public flogging.

But we won't go into anymore detail because time has run out, and there's new Vader converts to train!

Be sure to catch up with us again next month for more bad guy-themed collectibles, ok?

Stay bad. And stay fashionable.